The “essence” of a blog and a life.

When I started this blog in 2006 my goal was to become accountable for my art but also to help others by sharing my experiences and techniques for other people who are interested to learn.

During the past 4 years this blog has a been a source of expression, inspiration, direction, healing, therapy, connection with those on the outside as well as many other things.

During the past 2.5 years, I have been reluctant to post “too much” information on my blog on what is happening in my personal life,  i have shared some stuff regarding my kids, my family breakdown which has resulted SOOOO many life changes, decisions and basically uncertainty of who and I am what I stand for and what the hell am I supposed to do now?  - this isn’t at all what i had planned.

Part of my reluctance to share has been hurt and numbness, depression as well as thinking that the people coming to my blog wouldn’t not be coming to hear all this guff.. they would be coming to see my art and I do admit it was nice to have a “place” where I didn’t have to worry about all the other stuff and was just more or less positive when going through a personal crisis –I needed that.

As time and life has moved on,  I have continued to unconsciously  filter myself  it has become a habit, maybe in order to keep up appearances or more likely the only way I could tell myself that I was holding  it all together – i don’t know… WHY doesn’t matter ….  BUT it has suddenly occurred me that in doing this I may have lost the “essence” of WHO I am and why I started this blog in the first place -  which was to share – share my journey – so, yes Belinda this means ALL  the journey not just parts of it!!!

As  have been looking for I guess  a “purpose” or a “way” of making it all work, i have realized that “filtering” myself or being careful does not work it doesn’t push me or move me forward but has been necessary during the course of gathering the strength (see the story behind that piece) to move forward.

I have decided that  I HAVE to give it my ALL  for others to understand the full picture both on this blog and in life . It is necessary in order for me to push forward on the “journey” and thus doing what was originally intended which was to help others on their “journey”.  If i can do that – then it has a purpose and I am on the “right” track regardless of the fact that I don’t know where it is going, it is in iteslf “right” without need of clarification. It just is. Finding Courage.